Struggle

I'm having a slight nervous breakdown at the moment.

I struggle with new things.  New environments, new people, new systems - all make me feel anxious and awkward and out of place.  So a clinic in middle of nowhere Nunavut where most of the patients speak a different language from me?  Stressful.  Very stressful.

Today's clinic was difficult for me.  Filled with people whose names I couldn't remember and with charts that I couldn't navigate and with processes that I just didn't understand.  Time went by far too quickly, leaving me perpetually behind and flummoxed.  By the time I finished my last dictation at 7:30, I was so ready to just escape from it all and lock myself in my hotel room with some chocolate*.

And then I discovered that my fleece had disappeared.  My beloved, cozy, makes me feel at home fleece from lululemon.  With the keys to my room inside.  I know I had it at lunch, as I came back to my hotel room for a quick internet search, but by the time I left the clinic it was gone.  I've searched the clinic twice (alone, in the dark) and searched the hotel, but it is nowhere to be found.  I'm still holding out hope in humanity that it's just tucked away somewhere I didn't look, but I think it's gone.  And because the day had already drained me, this last little thing is causing me to feel like complete and utter shit.

I wish sometimes that I weren't so horribly neurotic - that I could embrace experiences like this and enjoy the newness and excitement.  But instead they just make me feel out of place and make me long for the comfortable and the familiar.

Two days in, and I'm already homesick.  Way to go me.

*Baker Lake is a dry community, or else I would've said wine. 

Edited to add:  When you're feeling bummed out about the loss of your fleece, whatever you do don't go to the company's website and search for a replacement.  Because when you discover that they've discontinued your fleece, you will just feel infinitely worse.  Stupid lululemon.