Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Farewell to the Old

Overall, 2013 was a great year.  It was the year that I finished my residency, thus bringing to an end not only three years of intense study, but also my time doing in-house call.  It was the year that I started my fellowship, thus beginning my last stage of training and the final countdown to becoming an independent physician.  And, perhaps most importantly, 2013 was the year that I put myself back into the ring and started dating again.  All in all, a year of positives.

But the end of 2013....oh, the end.  It has absolutely kicked my ass.  The end of my recent relationship marked the beginning of a long and somewhat unexpected stretch of intense unhappiness.  Rather than using the breakup as an opportunity to throw myself into my exam preparations, as I hoped I would, I have spent the last month in a woe-is-me state, constantly bemoaning the fact that I find myself back in the unchosen single life.  It hasn't been pretty.  I've been silent here on the blog simply because I haven't wanted to give myself another outlet for my whining and self pity.

Last night, at the end of the old year and the beginning of the new, I found myself at a house party surrounded by happy couples and their countless offspring.  And I wanted to be a better person and simply be happy for other people's happiness, but I wasn't.  Instead I allowed myself one (hopefully) final moment of wallowing and sorrow.  But now it's 2014, and I'm sitting here watching the sunrise for probably the first time ever on a New Year's Day, and it's time to let go. 

Time for a new year, and new beginnings.


Your Doctor's Wife said...

2014- clean slate! Make it what you want it to be! That's going to be my mantra for the year. Congrats on getting through another tough year of training! You are so close to being finished! Yay! Happy New Year!

physician activist in training said...

May 2014 bring new adventures, blessings, and maybe even love. I have a hunch that it is going to be a good year for a lot of us as we move into the next stages of our lives!

Strawberry said...

I'm sorry the end of 2013 was a tough one. Here's hoping 2014 has better things in store for you!

MS4 said...

Cheers to a new year and new beginnings! :)

Liana said...

Hope 2014 is better for you (and me too! 2013 was not my favourite year).

ana said...

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. Hoping for onward and upward to much better things in 2014!

Holidays are really tough when you feel you are missing out on what everyone else seems to be reveling in (love, family, etc...). I always feel better when its back to business in January instead of all the forced cheer of the "season".

OMDG said...

I will join the chorus of people wishing you a better 2014.

I also wanted to suggest therapy. Life is full of ups and downs of course, but if you get to the point where you can't enjoy the ups because you know there will be a down, then maybe it's time to invest in yourself a little bit. You deserve to be happy, and having read this blog for a long time, it does seem like something you have struggled with pretty chronically.

Anyway, feel better.

Solitary Diner said...

Your Doctor's Wife - Clean slate indeed! Here's to a great one.

physician activist - Thanks! I hope you're right!

Strawberry - Thanks!

Liana - Here's to 2014 being a better year for everyone.

Ana - It's amazing how many people struggle with the holidays. Just last night I was talking with a good friend who feels very much the same way about them. Now that the actual "holidays" are over though, I'm really enjoying the last few days of not having to work. I could get used to still being in my pjs at noon!

OMDG - Thanks for the suggestion about therapy, but I think your perception of me struggling with unhappiness is more sample bias than anything else. I'm generally a pretty happy person, but I tend to write more about the unhappy things as a way of processing. I will keep the thought filed away in my mind in case I reach the point where I'm not able to feel happy about things.

Doctor Blondie said...

Sorry you had such a rough time, but good to hear you went through it in your own way.
Here's to a great 2014 anyway!

MomTFH said...

I'm sorry! I find myself wallowing in the same place too often. Here's to both of us spending less time there in 2014!