Why Don't Men Read Blogs By Women?

It has been an interesting day on Twitter.  I have been at home working on a presentation that I am giving next week, and so I've been regularly checking in and causing trouble.  I may have gotten really angry at a blogger for disregarding privilege.  I regret nothing.

One of the things that came up on Twitter was female bloggers and the recognition that they do (or do not) receive in the financial blogging world.  I've never written or tweeted about this before, but I have definitely noticed that there are far fewer comments from men on women's blogs than there are on men's blogs.  Sometimes this makes sense:   In a world where women are predominantly responsible for the domestic side of life, I get why there aren't a lot of men reading bloggers who write about frugal cooking and parenting*.

But sometimes the blogs written by women are just damn good blogs for anyone, regardless of gender or gender role.  And yet, men still don't read them.  To make sure this wasn't just something I was imagining, after the Twitter conversation today, I reviewed the comments from two really good financial blogs that everyone should be reading:  Physician on FIRE and Bitches Get Riches.  Of the last 20 comments for which I could identify the commenter's gender, Physician on FIRE had received a somewhat even split of 8 comments from women and 12 from men.

Bitches Get Riches?  18 women and 2 men.

Which means that men are missing some of the funniest and most thought-provoking posts in the financial blogosphere right now.  And why?  Because a person's genitalia somehow makes them more or less capable of writing about money?

Sadly, I think this is all part of our legacy of presenting the white male viewpoint as the primary viewpoint.  Now, please don't misinterpret this as me saying that I dislike white men or I don't think we should read things by white men.  There are many white men who I think are lovely and valuable members of our society**.  But I think it's unfortunate that in the vast majority of books, tv shows, movies, plays, etc. that we are exposed to, the protagonist is a white male.  It not only limits the ideas that we're exposed to, but it also conditions us to see the white man as the default.  Anything else is "diversity".

As a queer woman, my own identity compels me to search out things that are created by and represent people more like me, so I naturally go beyond the white/straight/cis-gender male story.  But if I were a white man?  What motivation would I have to look beyond the abundance of stories that speak directly to me?  And how would I ever learn to appreciate that the world can be a very different place for people who aren't exactly like me?

I know that this is a broad generalization and that there are men who are enlightened and who read blogs and other things that are written by women.  But we need more of them.

*This is its own blog post.

**Apparently not this one.

Should We Call Out Other Bloggers?

Many months ago, a personal finance blogger wrote a post that included a caricature of a woman that I found to be sexist, racist, classist, and ableist*.  Being a good Canadian, I usually have nothing but sweet and polite things to say on people's blogs; however, I was so offended by the post that I couldn't not say something about it.  So as politely and constructively as possible, I expressed my thoughts on the post.

It didn't go well.  I got the distinct impression that the blogger took zero time to reflect on what I said before attacking me and calling me a racist, because I had assumed the racial background of the person based on the caricature.  This was followed immediately by many other people commenting on how I was too "politically correct" and should just "shut my pie hole".  It was actually a really upsetting experience for me, because I really like when people like me, and I hadn't intended my comment to be an attack.  And it also seemed to have accomplished nothing.

And yet, I would do it again.  Because I think we as bloggers have a responsibility to not post sexist/racist/classist/ableist/misogynistic/xenophobic/homophobic/transphobic shit on our blogs.  This particular blogger has a big audience and therefore the ability to influence the thoughts and beliefs of a lot of people, and I think that influence shouldn't be used to reinforce outdated and damaging stereotypes.

I was reminded of this event today, when I came across a statement that I found offensive while reading an otherwise really good blog post.  The post was talking about someone who was saving money by getting her boyfriend to do repairs around the house, and the writer stated:  "I’m guessing she is paying for it in some way..."

Maybe I'm overreacting?  But I kind of hate the implication that a woman trades her sexuality for home repairs.

So I called the blogger out on it.  The blogger accepted my comment, but hasn't responded, so I'm interested to see how this plays out.  Hopefully the blogger will know that my comment was only meant to provoke some self reflection, not to diminish or attack what was otherwise a really good post.

How about you?  How do you respond when you read something you find offensive on a blog?

*I'm not going to link to any particular bloggers in this post, because this isn't about publicly criticizing/shaming any particular person, but rather reflecting on what our role is as readers and bloggers.  Also, I don't need any pissed off bloggers labeling me a "Nasty woman" and trolling my blog.

Missing the Blog

I think about this blog frequently.  Post titles pop into my head while I'm showering.  Entire lines of text write themselves in my mind while I'm examining patients.  I am the type of person who is constantly trying to understand life, to fit it to a logical narrative, and this blog feels like an integral part of that process of understanding.  And yet, I don't make enough time for it.  Days or weeks go by without a post until I return, overwhelmed with things I want to write about, only to write a list of bullet points.

I've been working a lot lately on habits - finishing up my work efficiently, getting to the gym, staying connected with friends - and I think that blogging is going to be the next one I try to work one.  I'm finding that if I just leave things to chance that I never seem to get to them, but if I make a regular commitment of time, then I tend to get things done.  So hopefully if I make a plan for blogging I will start logging more than one or two posts per month.

Any suggestions on how frequently I should post?  If you're a blogger, how do you keep up a regular posting schedule?

Ooops

On day 19/21 (yesterday), I somehow forgot to write a blog post.  I spent my day finishing off Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle", after which I rushed to get takeout shawarma and pick up my girlfriend from work in time to go to an outdoor movie in a local park.  Amidst all the fun, I forgot entirely about blogging.

Now that the 21 days of consecutive blogging are almost finished, I'm forced to address the question of "What next?".  On the upside, over the past few weeks I've felt much more engaged with the blog, and I've found myself drafting posts in my head while doing dishes and other tedious activities.  I've also written a few posts that I've been happy with, including parts one and two of my thoughts on money, as well as my post about so-called road bump opiates.  On the downside, it's been difficult some days to find the time to blog, and I've often found myself crawling out of bed after 11 PM to whip off a quick (and often uninspired) post.  Some of my worst posts ever have resulted from this forced writing.

I may keep up with the daily blogging for a while just to see where it goes, or I may revert to blogging less frequently.  While the ideal blogging frequency is probably less than daily, I worry that if I lose the regular habit I may stop doing it at all.  Which would be a loss for me - I love the record of my thoughts and activities, the feedback from commenters (even if I don't always find the time to respond), and the sense that I'm perhaps sharing something that will be useful to the next generation of medical students/residents. 

I guess we'll see.  If you're a blogger, how do you balance regular blogging with all the other things going on in your life?  For everyone - what would you like to see from this blog as I start life as an attending?

21 Days

I had expected my vacation to be laid-back and leisurely, with an abundance of time for sleeping in and reading and doing whatever in the world I wanted to do.  Not so much.  Until now, I've kept myself busy with house and work tasks, with volunteering at our local music festival, and with attending way too many shows at our local Fringe (theatre) Festival.  It has been wonderful to have a change from work, but the time has still felt too busy, and I've often caught myself complaining to the girlfriend about being tired*.

All of that is about to change.  The festivals are over, the majority of the house/work tasks have been completed, and I have an almost completely empty schedule for the last 21 days of my vacation.  Day one of this phase of vacation has so far consisted of sleeping in, eating homemade Mexican breakfast and kale smoothies with the girlfriend, watching Master Chef, and trying to satisfy Hobbes's insatiable need for cuddles.

Why aren't you cuddling me?

My "plan" for this last stretch of holidays is to just....be.  To not have a long list of things to do**.  To not constantly rush from one place to the next.  To not obsessively plan every moment or worry that I'm not making effective use of my time.  To stop being the busy, stressed out person that medicine turned me into and be the relaxed, happy person that I used to be.

My hope is that, if I can remember how to focus on enjoying life instead of just getting through it, I can carry some of that knowledge forward into the next year.  I know that my first year as an attending is going to be a hard one, and that I will be stressed and overworked more often than I want to be, but I really don't want to hate it.  I want to remember to breathe and be present and take time.  To enjoy this stage that I worked so, so hard for 16 years to reach.

To just be.

*Note to self:  It isn't wise to complain to your girlfriend who works on her feet for eight hours a day about being tired while you're on vacation.  Her sympathy is very limited.  And she will expect you to rub her feet as penance.

*The one "goal" that I am setting for myself is to blog daily for the next 21 days.  I have missed the act of regularly writing here, and I have a seemingly constant stream of ideas for blog posts running through my head, so I want to get back into the habit of writing while I have an excess of time.  If there's anything you want to know about me or my experiences as a physician/a previously single person/a queer person/a theatre groupie, leave me a comment and let me know.  I'm sure I'll be looking for some blog fodder by the time the 21 days are up!

Privacy

I started to write a post about the ups and downs of living with someone, but as I started to write the back story, I realized that I was sharing a lot of information about my girlfriend that she might not want the world to know.  I then tried to remove anything that she might consider sensitive, but it left me with a very vague, watered-down version of a blog post.  Which I hate.  When I read someone else's blog, it's the details that make it interesting and bring the stories to life.

I don't want those details to be missing from my blog.

Clearly, this is something I need to think more about (and probably discuss with the girlfriend).  For those of you with significant others, how do you share what's going on in your life without violating your partner's privacy?

Wasn't there a blog here?

If you stopped by here any time after the middle of September, you may have noticed that my previously active blog had suddenly disappeared.  It hadn't become password-protected, as often happens with medical blogs, but rather it had completely disappeared from the face of the earth.  As if it had never existed. 

What happened, you ask?  Well...let's just say that something random and unfortunate happened at work, and the shit hit the proverbial fan.  I can't talk about it here, but I will say that it was awful and terrifying and left me wondering for a while if I would have a career in medicine*.  I hate even thinking back to it.

When "the situation" happened, there was suddenly vastly more attention being paid to me by the people in power.  And it occurred to me that the last thing I needed was for someone to discover my blog.  While I've always been cognizant of patient confidentiality, and I've tried to err on the side of saying too little, I was worried that someone who was looking for something to be upset about could easily find that something on my blog.  So I took it down.

In the past four months, the shit has settled almost completely.  My dear girlfriend has supported me through many rough days, as have the people at work who know me and work with my directly.  If you ever need to hear positive things about yourself, screw something up royally.  Suddenly all of your supporters will come out in full force.

So...that's my vague story about where I've been since September.  I'm writing this now, in part, as an explanation for anyone out there who wondered what had happened to me.  I'm also on elective in a different province, so I suddenly find myself with extra time on my hands and thinking about the good old days of blogging.  I don't know if blogging here will ever become a regular activity again, but it's possible.

We shall see.

*It didn't, however, involve harm to a patient or a malpractice case or anything of the sort.  Thank all that is good in the world.