You may recall that I set some pretty ambitious (for me) goals at the beginning of the year. So how is it going one month in?
The Good:
"meditating every day" I have done this! I was pretty well established with my weekday morning practice, so my main challenge here was finding a way to meditate on the weekends. Initially, I thought that I would meditate first thing in the morning like I do on weekdays, but this literally never happened. Turns out, I really enjoy sleeping in and getting a lazy slow start to weekend days, and there is no part of me that wants to start the day on a meditation cushion. So I have been doing it before I go to bed on weekends, and it has gone perfectly so far.
"I mostly just want to keep working and
hoarding money for the future" I had nine days of very busy call this month, so I have done a lot of hoarding of money. It's lovely for the net worth, but I would honestly like to do a little less earning and a little more resting.
"I want to keep building on
the friendships I have." I've also been doing this! Even though it's been a busy month, I've made time to go with friends to see our local queer choir, to visit my godson and his family, to go for dinner with my brother, and to go out for dinner and a play with my mom and her partner. (I think there has been more? It's a bit of a blur.) For an introvert who has been busy with work, it has been about the maximum amount I can expect of myself.
The Not As Good:
"I would like to work on keeping up with everything." This has been very mixed. One of my proposed ways of achieving this was "just doing the shit now", and I have definitely incorporated this approach into my life, to good effect. I am constantly trying to spend a few extra minutes to do all the nagging little tasks as they come up, and as a result I'm getting a lot more done without it feeling overwhelming or like a giant burden. And I'm worrying less about missing things. Perfect example - I got an application for reimbursement of a work expense, which isn't due until April. My initial instinct was to put it in my to do pile (I had three months to do it, after all), but instead I took the five minutes required to fill it out, put it in the return envelope, and put it in the mailbox. And now it's done, and I don't have to worry about missing the deadline for getting money back.
The biggest challenge has simply been that work has been really busy. In addition to nine busy (and really emotionally exhausting) days of call, I had a week of teaching, and I've taken on a new volunteer position with a national organization (You know. Because that helps with burnout.) I've worked at least part of one weekend day every week since the beginning of the year, and still things are slowly starting to build up. It's frustrating.
And as for my "go to work earlier and stay later" approach?
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
When I was writing my original post, I had the (utterly ridiculous, I don't know where it came from) idea in my head that I sometimes go to work late or leave early because I'm lazy. This past month has reminded me that it's actually because I'm tired. I have a limited number of productive work hours in me every day, and once they are finished, there is no value in me sitting in front of a computer trying to work. I need a mental break. So those days when I leave early are usually because I'm mentally shutting down and ready for the day to be over. And the days when I arrive late are usually because I've been suffering from insomnia and have allowed myself an extra hour to catch up on some sleep.
This has been an important reminder to not be too hard on myself and to extend myself a bit of grace. I am human, and I can only do so much. It's also a really important reminder to set boundaries and to not apologize for doing so. At the moment, I'm having to set some boundaries on fun things in my personal life, but I'm hoping as the year goes on and my call schedule settles down a bit that the boundaries will be more towards work. I've also firmly decided that I'm going to give up a volunteer commitment at the end of the year (I reeeeealy should've given it up at the beginning of the year, but I got talked into agreeing to another year), which will free up one precious evening every month.
The Total Nope:
"I'm aiming for a regular practice of four yoga
classes per week" At best so far I've made it to three classes in one week. Things have just been busy, and in some cases (call) I've had to skip yoga, and in other cases (social life) I've chosen to skip yoga. Part of me is sad, because I really do love it and am seeing a lot of progress, but I'm also making peace with it. I have a really full life, in mostly good ways, so it's okay that I'm not being absolutely perfect at everything.
So that's the one-month check in. As for February? I have three more weeks off call (yay!), during which I'm fully intending to get caught up on everything work related (plausible if I do some work on weekends), after which I have one week on, one off, and one on. Ugh. I'm intending to keep up with the daily meditations, as I do think they help keep me present and calm, even though my brain feels squirrely while I'm doing them. I'm going to try to do three yoga classes a week, as I think it's more realistic than four right now. And, perhaps mostly importantly, I'm going to keep learning from the process and being kind to myself. I'm actually doing pretty well at things that are hard, and I deserve to be proud of myself for that.
Showing posts with label Yoga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Yoga. Show all posts
Friday, January 31, 2020
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
2020 - Progress, Not Perfection
It has been a few years since I made a New Year's resolution. In 2017, I resolved to say no to more things, which obviously wasn't enough given the burnout I hit in 2019. In 2018, I seem to have been in a bit of a dark place in which I thought resolving to do anything was futile, because I wouldn't be able to stick to it anyway.
The past two years have shown me that, under the right circumstances, I can actually make pretty big changes in my life. In that time, I've greatly expanded and strengthened my social circle, to the point where I couldn't see everyone I wanted to during my two weeks of holidays. I've started a (somewhat) daily meditation practice and gone to a meditation retreat. I've been really consistent with yoga, going to 45 classes in the first half of the year and 83 in the second half*. I've adopted an intuitive eating practice, which has led me to a much healthier relationship with food (and overall healthier eating habits) than I've had in my life. And I've cut back on my work responsibilities to the point where I am only slightly dreading returning to it tomorrow.
When I look back at the changes I've made, the keys for me have been twofold: motivation and gradual progress. I haven't made changes out of a sense that it's what I should do, but rather because I can see how the changes will make me happier and otherwise enhance my life. The goals I set for myself are personal and are aligned with my values, not things that other people think are important. I've also started slowly with things (It took me over a decade to develop a regular yoga practice!) and allowed myself to learn from the process of change, rather than thinking that I'll be perfect at a new thing the moment I start it. As Done By 40 said in a comment on my last post, "Progress, not perfection".
Looking ahead to 2020, my hope is to have a relatively uneventful year. 2019 was a year of tremendous growth and change, but it was also a hard one. I kind of want to catch my breath**. I want to continue with my mindfulness practice, and I'm aiming for a regular practice of four yoga classes per week and meditating every day. I want to keep building on the friendships I have. My financial situation is really good (No debt! Lots of investments!), and I mostly just want to keep working and hoarding money for the future. Overall, I don't anticipate any radical changes in 2020***.
But....in 2020, I would like to work on keeping up with everything. I feel like I'm perpetually behind - on housework, on work work - and I find it draining. I hate having clutter in my home and 100 dictations to sign off on in my inbox. I hate feeling like I'm perpetually catching up, only to have new work pile on top of me the moment I finally get through the old work. And it's not like I'm saving time by procrastinating on things - I have the same amount of work to do, regardless of whether I do it right away or put it off for weeks.
Which...is really everyone's problem, right? While the specific tasks may differ, I think we all have an endless to-do list that is never done to our satisfaction. So, while I'm setting this as a goal, I am also trying to be realistic. And to extend a lot of grace and compassion to myself. Because no matter how hard I work, I am never going to get to the bottom of the list. And I need to make peace with that.
As far as how to do this...I'm going to experiment. Try something for a while, see how it goes, then keep it or reject it. I'm not expecting that I will get to the end of the list by midnight tonight and then always keep up with it, forever and ever. I know it will be a process, and so I'm trying to give myself the time and space (and lots of grace!) to work with the process. For the moment, I am going to try three things that I think may help:
1) Going to later yoga classes: Some of my favourite yoga classes are at 5:30 PM, which unfortunately means leaving work at 4:30 and therefore losing out on a lot of potential work time. I'm going to try sticking to a regular weekly schedule, with a 7 PM class as my earliest, so that I get an extra hour or so at work at the end of many days.
2) Coming to work earlier: My work days start between 8 and 9:30 am (sometimes 10 if I really let myself sleep in) depending on whether or not I have a morning clinic. I'm going to try to get to work for 8 am consistently so that I'm getting some extra work time first thing in the morning. As an added bonus, I'm hopeful that the more regular wake up/go to work schedule will be good for my insomnia.
I recognize that I'm proposing to both start later and finish later, which has the potential to simply be too much work. But I'm hoping that this will allow me to get most, if not all, of my work done during the week, thus giving me weekends completely off to recharge. I'll see how it goes...
3) Just doing the shit now: I'm human. I procrastinate. Sometimes epically. Yesterday I logged onto a conference website, thinking it was the last day for early bird registration, and when I discovered that I still had two weeks, I logged off. I did very quickly log back on and register for the conference (also booked my Airbnb like a superstar), but my initial impulse was to procrastinate for another two weeks. I've already started trying to break myself of this habit, as I know it is a huge contributor to the piles of things to do that build up. So I'm trying to just respond to the email, just put my dishes in the dishwasher, just put away the laundry that I've already folded (instead of it sitting on my dresser until the basket is empty), and just add the item to my grocery list (instead of cursing myself when I get home from the store without it). Just. Do. The. Shit.
Who knows if this will work. I like some of the 5:30 yoga classes, so I might cave and go to them. My bed is very comfortable, so I may sleep in. Doing the shit gets tedious. But I'm going to give it a try and see where it takes me.
Any suggestions as I try to get more on top of things in my life?
*At least. I only track yoga classes for my main studio; I think I did another 10 or so at other studios over the year.
**I feel like I'm tempting the universe by typing this.
***Seriously, I feel like I'm baiting the universe with this post.
The past two years have shown me that, under the right circumstances, I can actually make pretty big changes in my life. In that time, I've greatly expanded and strengthened my social circle, to the point where I couldn't see everyone I wanted to during my two weeks of holidays. I've started a (somewhat) daily meditation practice and gone to a meditation retreat. I've been really consistent with yoga, going to 45 classes in the first half of the year and 83 in the second half*. I've adopted an intuitive eating practice, which has led me to a much healthier relationship with food (and overall healthier eating habits) than I've had in my life. And I've cut back on my work responsibilities to the point where I am only slightly dreading returning to it tomorrow.
When I look back at the changes I've made, the keys for me have been twofold: motivation and gradual progress. I haven't made changes out of a sense that it's what I should do, but rather because I can see how the changes will make me happier and otherwise enhance my life. The goals I set for myself are personal and are aligned with my values, not things that other people think are important. I've also started slowly with things (It took me over a decade to develop a regular yoga practice!) and allowed myself to learn from the process of change, rather than thinking that I'll be perfect at a new thing the moment I start it. As Done By 40 said in a comment on my last post, "Progress, not perfection".
Looking ahead to 2020, my hope is to have a relatively uneventful year. 2019 was a year of tremendous growth and change, but it was also a hard one. I kind of want to catch my breath**. I want to continue with my mindfulness practice, and I'm aiming for a regular practice of four yoga classes per week and meditating every day. I want to keep building on the friendships I have. My financial situation is really good (No debt! Lots of investments!), and I mostly just want to keep working and hoarding money for the future. Overall, I don't anticipate any radical changes in 2020***.
But....in 2020, I would like to work on keeping up with everything. I feel like I'm perpetually behind - on housework, on work work - and I find it draining. I hate having clutter in my home and 100 dictations to sign off on in my inbox. I hate feeling like I'm perpetually catching up, only to have new work pile on top of me the moment I finally get through the old work. And it's not like I'm saving time by procrastinating on things - I have the same amount of work to do, regardless of whether I do it right away or put it off for weeks.
Which...is really everyone's problem, right? While the specific tasks may differ, I think we all have an endless to-do list that is never done to our satisfaction. So, while I'm setting this as a goal, I am also trying to be realistic. And to extend a lot of grace and compassion to myself. Because no matter how hard I work, I am never going to get to the bottom of the list. And I need to make peace with that.
As far as how to do this...I'm going to experiment. Try something for a while, see how it goes, then keep it or reject it. I'm not expecting that I will get to the end of the list by midnight tonight and then always keep up with it, forever and ever. I know it will be a process, and so I'm trying to give myself the time and space (and lots of grace!) to work with the process. For the moment, I am going to try three things that I think may help:
1) Going to later yoga classes: Some of my favourite yoga classes are at 5:30 PM, which unfortunately means leaving work at 4:30 and therefore losing out on a lot of potential work time. I'm going to try sticking to a regular weekly schedule, with a 7 PM class as my earliest, so that I get an extra hour or so at work at the end of many days.
2) Coming to work earlier: My work days start between 8 and 9:30 am (sometimes 10 if I really let myself sleep in) depending on whether or not I have a morning clinic. I'm going to try to get to work for 8 am consistently so that I'm getting some extra work time first thing in the morning. As an added bonus, I'm hopeful that the more regular wake up/go to work schedule will be good for my insomnia.
I recognize that I'm proposing to both start later and finish later, which has the potential to simply be too much work. But I'm hoping that this will allow me to get most, if not all, of my work done during the week, thus giving me weekends completely off to recharge. I'll see how it goes...
3) Just doing the shit now: I'm human. I procrastinate. Sometimes epically. Yesterday I logged onto a conference website, thinking it was the last day for early bird registration, and when I discovered that I still had two weeks, I logged off. I did very quickly log back on and register for the conference (also booked my Airbnb like a superstar), but my initial impulse was to procrastinate for another two weeks. I've already started trying to break myself of this habit, as I know it is a huge contributor to the piles of things to do that build up. So I'm trying to just respond to the email, just put my dishes in the dishwasher, just put away the laundry that I've already folded (instead of it sitting on my dresser until the basket is empty), and just add the item to my grocery list (instead of cursing myself when I get home from the store without it). Just. Do. The. Shit.
Who knows if this will work. I like some of the 5:30 yoga classes, so I might cave and go to them. My bed is very comfortable, so I may sleep in. Doing the shit gets tedious. But I'm going to give it a try and see where it takes me.
Any suggestions as I try to get more on top of things in my life?
*At least. I only track yoga classes for my main studio; I think I did another 10 or so at other studios over the year.
**I feel like I'm tempting the universe by typing this.
***Seriously, I feel like I'm baiting the universe with this post.
Friday, December 27, 2019
2019 - The Year of Breaking Open
I'm not big into dates, but for some reason I love the start of the new year. Even though there's nothing magical about the transition from December 31 to January 1, it always gets me reflecting on the previous year and thinking ahead to the next. When I re-read my New Year's post from this year, I had to laugh at my intention for 2019:
"And what for 2019? Mostly, I want to keep going on the path that I'm already on. I want to remain in the present moment, enjoying it when I can and learning from it when I can't."
Learning from it when I can't describes so much of the past year. I existed in a state of near-constant stress for months, and then I basically fell apart when the chronic stress became too much. For weeks, I wasn't certain if I would choose to (or even be able to) stay at work. It was horrible.
Probably the wisest thing I did, and something that was only possible because of my mindfulness practice, was stay present in the tough moments. My mantra through that time, which I would sometimes recite multiple times in a day, was "Be patient. Be present." I somehow knew that, if I could just show up for those moments, that I would learn something important from them.
And I have learned an incredible amount over the past year. I've learned that I am limited in how much I can do well (as is everyone), and more importantly, I've learned that I have the support of my institution to set limits on my work. I don't have to overbook all of my clinics. I don't have to work through weekends most of the time. I don't have to say yes to every administrative task that comes my way. I can (and absolutely must) say no.
I've also learned that I am very hard working, even though I don't always feel that way when I compare myself to the overachievers who seem to be everywhere in medicine. I regularly go beyond what I need to for my patients, and I show up for them even on the days when I would rather pull the covers over my head. I'm committed to the work that I do, and I put in the effort needed to be a really good doctor.
Overall, as hard as a lot of the past year has been, I'm really proud of myself for getting through it. And for not quitting my job! Because it's generally a pretty good one, and I do a pretty good job at it, if I may say so myself.
"And what for 2019? Mostly, I want to keep going on the path that I'm already on. I want to remain in the present moment, enjoying it when I can and learning from it when I can't."
Learning from it when I can't describes so much of the past year. I existed in a state of near-constant stress for months, and then I basically fell apart when the chronic stress became too much. For weeks, I wasn't certain if I would choose to (or even be able to) stay at work. It was horrible.
Probably the wisest thing I did, and something that was only possible because of my mindfulness practice, was stay present in the tough moments. My mantra through that time, which I would sometimes recite multiple times in a day, was "Be patient. Be present." I somehow knew that, if I could just show up for those moments, that I would learn something important from them.
And I have learned an incredible amount over the past year. I've learned that I am limited in how much I can do well (as is everyone), and more importantly, I've learned that I have the support of my institution to set limits on my work. I don't have to overbook all of my clinics. I don't have to work through weekends most of the time. I don't have to say yes to every administrative task that comes my way. I can (and absolutely must) say no.
I've also learned that I am very hard working, even though I don't always feel that way when I compare myself to the overachievers who seem to be everywhere in medicine. I regularly go beyond what I need to for my patients, and I show up for them even on the days when I would rather pull the covers over my head. I'm committed to the work that I do, and I put in the effort needed to be a really good doctor.
Overall, as hard as a lot of the past year has been, I'm really proud of myself for getting through it. And for not quitting my job! Because it's generally a pretty good one, and I do a pretty good job at it, if I may say so myself.
Monday, September 2, 2019
Practice, Part One
I wrote a while back about how online dating got me into meditation. While I only went on one date with the yoga-loving woman mentioned in the post, we have established a fairly close friendship over the past year, and after listening to her talk about her love of yoga, I decided it was something I should also do.
I had done yoga before, but only in a once- or twice-a-week, go-months-without-practicing kind of way. Thanks in part to my friend's inspiration, as well as another friend directing me to a fabulous studio, I have now become someone with a regular practice. I look forward to classes more than almost anything else I do, and I am sad that I don't yet have the stamina to go to a class every day - although I set a personal record of 19 classes in August, so I'm getting there.
In all my posts so far about burnout, I haven't yet written much about the role that yoga played, but ironically, I think it was a big part of why I burnt out when I did. Before I started doing yoga, I was living with blinders on, getting through each day by focusing on the work and ignoring how miserable it was making me. In yoga, I spend an hour or more each class inside my own head, and it's really hard to ignore how you're feeling when it's just you and your thoughts*. Being present with my own emotions forced me to acknowledge them and, eventually, to do something about them.
Yoga also, in a very tangible and physical way, forced me to confront the fact that I am limited. Doctors aren't supposed to be - we're taught from the beginning of medical school that we should be able to do any amount of work under any conditions without ever making a mistake. And while I knew intellectually that this was utter nonsense, on an emotional level, this concept of what a physician should be was harder to let go of. In yoga, my limitations are right there and are impossible to ignore. If I go to a hard class one day, my muscles will be sore the next day and I won't be able to do the same poses. I am limited and imperfect. And I need rest.
Now, on what is hopefully the other side of burnout, yoga is a big part of how I'm rebuilding. It's exercise and stress relief and a place that always feels safe. On harder days at work, I take comfort in knowing that I can end my day on my mat, with a bit of calm and a bit of peace. It's my happy place, and I'm incredibly grateful to have found it.
Namaste.
*and an instructor made of nothing but bone and muscle who can bend their body in super-human ways
I had done yoga before, but only in a once- or twice-a-week, go-months-without-practicing kind of way. Thanks in part to my friend's inspiration, as well as another friend directing me to a fabulous studio, I have now become someone with a regular practice. I look forward to classes more than almost anything else I do, and I am sad that I don't yet have the stamina to go to a class every day - although I set a personal record of 19 classes in August, so I'm getting there.
In all my posts so far about burnout, I haven't yet written much about the role that yoga played, but ironically, I think it was a big part of why I burnt out when I did. Before I started doing yoga, I was living with blinders on, getting through each day by focusing on the work and ignoring how miserable it was making me. In yoga, I spend an hour or more each class inside my own head, and it's really hard to ignore how you're feeling when it's just you and your thoughts*. Being present with my own emotions forced me to acknowledge them and, eventually, to do something about them.
Yoga also, in a very tangible and physical way, forced me to confront the fact that I am limited. Doctors aren't supposed to be - we're taught from the beginning of medical school that we should be able to do any amount of work under any conditions without ever making a mistake. And while I knew intellectually that this was utter nonsense, on an emotional level, this concept of what a physician should be was harder to let go of. In yoga, my limitations are right there and are impossible to ignore. If I go to a hard class one day, my muscles will be sore the next day and I won't be able to do the same poses. I am limited and imperfect. And I need rest.
Now, on what is hopefully the other side of burnout, yoga is a big part of how I'm rebuilding. It's exercise and stress relief and a place that always feels safe. On harder days at work, I take comfort in knowing that I can end my day on my mat, with a bit of calm and a bit of peace. It's my happy place, and I'm incredibly grateful to have found it.
Namaste.
*and an instructor made of nothing but bone and muscle who can bend their body in super-human ways
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
When the Body Says No
Overwork crept up on my slowly.
Work has always felt busy to me, but over the past six months, the intensity has been increasing. An extra patient or two added to each clinic. A new computer system that is supposed to, but doesn't, make things easier. An extra trainee to supervise each week. Nothing particularly time-consuming on its own, but the cumulative effect has been a few extra hours of work every week.
At the same time, life outside of work has become busier. I've invested a lot of energy into meeting people, and my social circle has expanded. And on New Year's Day, I met my new girlfriend! And I've started doing yoga. And while all of these things are good (some of them really good), they all take time.
I started to notice the effects of being too busy right before my Christmas break. At the end of yoga class, lying in shavasana (aka "corpse pose"), I'd often fall asleep. On a particularly bad day, I'd cry. I thought that I just needed a good break, but I felt just as tired and overwhelmed after my 10-day break as I had before. The same thing was true when I returned from a recent week of vacation in Mexico.
The lowest point came the first week back from Mexico. I was in the middle of my usual Thursday paperwork day when I started having an anxiety attack. I couldn't focus on anything I was supposed to do, and all I could think about was how I could never possibly get done everything I needed to do. I ended up having to leave early, because I was just desperately spinning my wheels while accomplishing absolutely nothing.
That night, I took a long and serious look at what had gotten me to that place. (Also a long and serious look at my bank balance. If it had been high enough for FIRE, that might have been the moment for me. But alas, it's not even close.) And I realized that I haven't done anything to protect my time and energy, even though I know that I am someone who gets (relatively) easily overwhelmed.
So my new phrase is "fuck no". (The "fuck" part said inside my head, because of the aforementioned lack of enough money to retire.) I have put an absolute moratorium on saying yes to anything else, and I've been getting rid of any commitment that I can possibly get rid of. I've put a firm cap on my clinics, and when people say "Can't you just squeeze in one more patient?", the answer is "Noooooo".
Better to pare back now, when I'm not totally burnt out, than to be forced to do it when I am.
(I have so much more to say about this, but I'm exhausted. Hopefully soon!)
Work has always felt busy to me, but over the past six months, the intensity has been increasing. An extra patient or two added to each clinic. A new computer system that is supposed to, but doesn't, make things easier. An extra trainee to supervise each week. Nothing particularly time-consuming on its own, but the cumulative effect has been a few extra hours of work every week.
At the same time, life outside of work has become busier. I've invested a lot of energy into meeting people, and my social circle has expanded. And on New Year's Day, I met my new girlfriend! And I've started doing yoga. And while all of these things are good (some of them really good), they all take time.
I started to notice the effects of being too busy right before my Christmas break. At the end of yoga class, lying in shavasana (aka "corpse pose"), I'd often fall asleep. On a particularly bad day, I'd cry. I thought that I just needed a good break, but I felt just as tired and overwhelmed after my 10-day break as I had before. The same thing was true when I returned from a recent week of vacation in Mexico.
The lowest point came the first week back from Mexico. I was in the middle of my usual Thursday paperwork day when I started having an anxiety attack. I couldn't focus on anything I was supposed to do, and all I could think about was how I could never possibly get done everything I needed to do. I ended up having to leave early, because I was just desperately spinning my wheels while accomplishing absolutely nothing.
That night, I took a long and serious look at what had gotten me to that place. (Also a long and serious look at my bank balance. If it had been high enough for FIRE, that might have been the moment for me. But alas, it's not even close.) And I realized that I haven't done anything to protect my time and energy, even though I know that I am someone who gets (relatively) easily overwhelmed.
So my new phrase is "fuck no". (The "fuck" part said inside my head, because of the aforementioned lack of enough money to retire.) I have put an absolute moratorium on saying yes to anything else, and I've been getting rid of any commitment that I can possibly get rid of. I've put a firm cap on my clinics, and when people say "Can't you just squeeze in one more patient?", the answer is "Noooooo".
Better to pare back now, when I'm not totally burnt out, than to be forced to do it when I am.
(I have so much more to say about this, but I'm exhausted. Hopefully soon!)
Saturday, November 3, 2018
How I Started to Meditate
I've been thinking about meditating for years.
Although I don't remember specifically, I suspect that I first heard about mindfulness meditation sometime during my medical training. It was probably during a session on "resiliency" or "work-life balance", and I was probably cursing the fact that I had to sit through an hour of stupid talks before I could get back to the ward to finish my work and go home. I probably laughed at the idea of using my precious free time to sit on a cushion and focus on my breath.
But it kept coming up. In talks, in articles, from friends and co-workers. And always with an emphasis on all the things it has been shown to help with: depression, anxiety, stress, insomnia, and pretty much every other bad thing that people struggle with. So I read a book, which I loved. And went to one class, which I hated so much I practically ran to the instructor to get a refund at the end of it. And I thought often about doing it. But never did.
(This is the point at which I would love to insert something profound about a life-altering experience that motivated me to start meditating. In reality? (Rosemary is going to laugh at this.) It was a girl.)
I met a woman online who is super into yoga - does yoga at least once a day, reads books about yoga, goes on yoga retreats, and has a yoga tattoo, into yoga. And...she was really cute. And while I couldn't become an expert in yoga in the week between when we met online and when we met in person, I had enough knowledge about meditation that I felt I could claim some proficiency in it after a week. And meditation is basically yoga without all the stretching, right? So I started getting up 15 minutes early every morning to plunk myself down on that cushion and focus on my breath.
Sadly, the date was not the beginning of a great romance that I have failed to talk about here (Despite my abysmal blogging record recently, I would have blogged about something that exciting.). But the meditation stuck. From day one, I felt a little less anxious, and a little less stressed. I slept a little better. In exchange for getting up 15 minutes earlier, I really do feel 10% happier.
Apparently online dating can pay off.
Although I don't remember specifically, I suspect that I first heard about mindfulness meditation sometime during my medical training. It was probably during a session on "resiliency" or "work-life balance", and I was probably cursing the fact that I had to sit through an hour of stupid talks before I could get back to the ward to finish my work and go home. I probably laughed at the idea of using my precious free time to sit on a cushion and focus on my breath.
But it kept coming up. In talks, in articles, from friends and co-workers. And always with an emphasis on all the things it has been shown to help with: depression, anxiety, stress, insomnia, and pretty much every other bad thing that people struggle with. So I read a book, which I loved. And went to one class, which I hated so much I practically ran to the instructor to get a refund at the end of it. And I thought often about doing it. But never did.
(This is the point at which I would love to insert something profound about a life-altering experience that motivated me to start meditating. In reality? (Rosemary is going to laugh at this.) It was a girl.)
I met a woman online who is super into yoga - does yoga at least once a day, reads books about yoga, goes on yoga retreats, and has a yoga tattoo, into yoga. And...she was really cute. And while I couldn't become an expert in yoga in the week between when we met online and when we met in person, I had enough knowledge about meditation that I felt I could claim some proficiency in it after a week. And meditation is basically yoga without all the stretching, right? So I started getting up 15 minutes early every morning to plunk myself down on that cushion and focus on my breath.
Sadly, the date was not the beginning of a great romance that I have failed to talk about here (Despite my abysmal blogging record recently, I would have blogged about something that exciting.). But the meditation stuck. From day one, I felt a little less anxious, and a little less stressed. I slept a little better. In exchange for getting up 15 minutes earlier, I really do feel 10% happier.
Apparently online dating can pay off.
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