I'm three minutes away from our scheduled departure time for a wedding in Middle-of-Nowhere, Canada, so this will be the briefest of brief.
This is my third wedding of five (one of my family members, one of my friends, three of the girlfriend's friends) this summer, and I'm starting to wish that we had a smaller social circle. While I have nothing against the idea of weddings (love, commitment, buffets), the actual act of attending a wedding is not my preferred thing. Too many people (particularly too many people I don't know) for an introvert.
But what to do? People host weddings, other people attend. It's the social convention. So I'll pull out my fancy dress one more time and pretend that I'm having fun, even though I really just want to wear sweat pants and work on my knitting*.
*It's entirely possible that I'll knit at the wedding. I'm not above that.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
The Weekly Hiss and Purr - August 7 Edition
Oh this week. This week has been one full of angst, coming from a variety of sources. Even though I'm still on vacation (yay), I feel like I could list a dozen or so hisses without much effort. Bah.
Angst is soooo overrated. Take a nap, Mom.
The (Biggest) Hiss - Anxiety:
One of the best things about this vacation has been how relaxed I've been. Until recently, I was waking up feeling refreshed and looking forward to all the great things the day had in store. I even looked relaxed - my skin was tanned (as much as my Northern European ancestry permits), my hair was longer and curlier than it had been in years (the word "mullet" comes to mind), and my clothing choices were comfortable, if not bordering on vagabond.
And then, a week ago, I decided to get my hair cut so that I would look slightly put together for the wedding I attended last Saturday. And it was as if everything changed. Going back to my "work hairstyle" seemed to signal that it was time to go back to work, or at the very least to start stressing out about it. Since then, I've been experiencing increasing bouts of panic as I come to terms with the fact that I will be the one in charge starting August 17.
It doesn't help that there are still major issues up in the air...like my license. Everything is happening at a snail's pace because it's summer, and despite doing things in what I thought was lots of time, I am still waiting on a number of important documents that are required for me to work. And I have only five business days left until my first day of work. Aaaaaah.
(Please be patient while I go and vomit.)
The Purr - Reading:
The biggest thing I need right now to keep myself sane is distraction from thinking about work (and from hitting refresh on my email program to see if anything is happening with my license). Enter reading! As I previously blogged about, I just finished reading Gretchen Rubin's book "Better Than Before". I also have her book "Happier at Home" sitting in my to-read pile, but for a change of pace, I've decided to start with Barbara Kingsolver's book "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle". This book tells about her family's journey of moving across the country and trying to eat locally for a year. I'm only one chapter in, but I'm loving her writing style and her exploration of all the issues (environmental, economic, health) related to what we choose to eat.
There are so many more things that I want to read! I have a giant stack of books from the library on my coffee table, plus a list on Goodreads and another list in my iPhone. I need more hours in the day!
What are you reading this week?
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Road Bump Opiates
Ana from anabegins wrote an interesting post today in response to a post on the Frugalwoods blog. In the original post, Mrs. Frugalwoods refers to the things we buy to make ourselves happy as "road bump opiates" and argues that these indulgences are barriers to achieving our long-term goals. For example, a muffin purchased at work may give us temporary pleasure, but will ultimately make us feel worse because it works against goals of eating healthy food and becoming more financially secure. She further argues that focusing on spending money takes us away from addressing more important questions, such as "How are we fulfilled? Where are we happiest? When are we appeased?".
In Ana's post, she talks about how she was considering going out with her husband in an attempt to feel less "blah". But then, she felt guilty about this desire after reading the Frugalwoods post, as eating out seemed to be just a "road bump opiate" to "soothe our unsatisfied consumerist souls". The post made her "feel bad about [her]self and [her] life choices for having the type of life that is prone to having the blahs and [her] immediate desire to use "going out" to fix it".
Reading and reflecting on the two posts got me to wondering - why is taking pleasure in anything that costs money suddenly a bad thing? Why is anyone made to feel guilty because she wants to *gasp* go out with her husband?
Yes, living within your means and meeting your financial goals is important (I feel like recently I've been a bit of a broken record on this topic). Yes, it's important to not let spending and consuming replace the more important things in life. But we're also physical beings who derive pleasure from creature comforts! Eating in restaurants, going out for coctails, taking in a show, drinking an overpriced coffee-based beverage made by a hipster barista - these are enjoyable things! If someone wants to do these things and can fit it within her financial plan, then she should be able to do so without feeling guilty about it. I want to not feel guilty about doing these things, even if it means I take 16 months to achieve a positive net worth instead of 12 months.
Furthermore, sometimes spending money can help us to achieve the grander goals that make life worthwhile. Money let me go to medical school and become a physician. Money has taken me to all sorts of exciting places and expanded my understanding of the world. Money lets me eat in restaurants with friends and family members and maintain my connections with these people, even when we don't have the time or energy for cheaper options like having a potluck.
I think that ultimately, it comes down to recognizing our own personal "sweet spot" for spending. It's great that the Frugalwoods are happy to never buy new clothing or eat in restaurants, but not everyone feels that way. For many of us, retiring at the earliest possible moment isn't worth giving up every last bit of discretionary spending. And that's fine! We're all different, and we're all allowed to spend in the way that helps us to best meet our goals - even if one of those goals is to drink an $11 glass of Pedro Ximenez sherry at our favourite tapas restaurant.
In Ana's post, she talks about how she was considering going out with her husband in an attempt to feel less "blah". But then, she felt guilty about this desire after reading the Frugalwoods post, as eating out seemed to be just a "road bump opiate" to "soothe our unsatisfied consumerist souls". The post made her "feel bad about [her]self and [her] life choices for having the type of life that is prone to having the blahs and [her] immediate desire to use "going out" to fix it".
Reading and reflecting on the two posts got me to wondering - why is taking pleasure in anything that costs money suddenly a bad thing? Why is anyone made to feel guilty because she wants to *gasp* go out with her husband?
Yes, living within your means and meeting your financial goals is important (I feel like recently I've been a bit of a broken record on this topic). Yes, it's important to not let spending and consuming replace the more important things in life. But we're also physical beings who derive pleasure from creature comforts! Eating in restaurants, going out for coctails, taking in a show, drinking an overpriced coffee-based beverage made by a hipster barista - these are enjoyable things! If someone wants to do these things and can fit it within her financial plan, then she should be able to do so without feeling guilty about it. I want to not feel guilty about doing these things, even if it means I take 16 months to achieve a positive net worth instead of 12 months.
Furthermore, sometimes spending money can help us to achieve the grander goals that make life worthwhile. Money let me go to medical school and become a physician. Money has taken me to all sorts of exciting places and expanded my understanding of the world. Money lets me eat in restaurants with friends and family members and maintain my connections with these people, even when we don't have the time or energy for cheaper options like having a potluck.
I think that ultimately, it comes down to recognizing our own personal "sweet spot" for spending. It's great that the Frugalwoods are happy to never buy new clothing or eat in restaurants, but not everyone feels that way. For many of us, retiring at the earliest possible moment isn't worth giving up every last bit of discretionary spending. And that's fine! We're all different, and we're all allowed to spend in the way that helps us to best meet our goals - even if one of those goals is to drink an $11 glass of Pedro Ximenez sherry at our favourite tapas restaurant.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Patience and Forgiveness
Because nothing says vacation like dealing with your finances, I spent most of my morning today figuring out a strategy for getting myself to a positive net worth*. Ever since I started budgeting, I've been haunted by the negative on my balance sheet and desperate to get back into the black.
The good news about my strategy session is that I figured out that I can be back to a positive net worth in just 16 months, thanks to having lots of room to invest in an RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan, the Canadian equivalent of a 401(k)). The bad news is, it's going to take me 16 months. Which literally feels like forever.
It's hard at times to forgive myself for the financial mistakes that I've made in the past. There is absolutely no way that I could have made it to this point debt-free, but I know that my burden of debt could have been much less if I'd been more careful with my spending. And it's even harder to be patient, to refrain from adding more call shifts and more patients to each clinic just to bring my bank balance up.
I have to remind myself, on pretty much a daily basis, that it took me eight years to get to this point. 16 months is entirely doable for getting rid of it. I just need to breathe.
*My goal is to increase my assets beyond the level of my debt, rather than to pay off the debt itself, because interest rates are currently so low.
The good news about my strategy session is that I figured out that I can be back to a positive net worth in just 16 months, thanks to having lots of room to invest in an RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan, the Canadian equivalent of a 401(k)). The bad news is, it's going to take me 16 months. Which literally feels like forever.
It's hard at times to forgive myself for the financial mistakes that I've made in the past. There is absolutely no way that I could have made it to this point debt-free, but I know that my burden of debt could have been much less if I'd been more careful with my spending. And it's even harder to be patient, to refrain from adding more call shifts and more patients to each clinic just to bring my bank balance up.
I have to remind myself, on pretty much a daily basis, that it took me eight years to get to this point. 16 months is entirely doable for getting rid of it. I just need to breathe.
*My goal is to increase my assets beyond the level of my debt, rather than to pay off the debt itself, because interest rates are currently so low.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Habits
As I've written about before, part of my motivation for taking so much time off this summer has been to catch up on all the things I've neglected over the past five years: finances, household organization, paperwork (why is there so much paperwork?), and cleaning BBQs, amongst other things. While I've been spending hours of my precious vacation time on these not so enjoyable tasks, I've been thinking a lot about how to keep up with these tasks on an ongoing basis, rather than waiting until things get desperate to play catch up. As part of my attempt to figure out how to do things better, I recently read Gretchen Rubin's book "Better Than Before: Mastering The Habits of Our Everday Lives".
This book explores the ways in which we adopt (or fail to adopt) new habits, with a focus on internal and external barriers to making positive changes. Included in it is a whole chapter on "loopholes", which basically describes what goes on in my mind whenever I try to change myself. (I'm an expert at coming up with reasons not to follow through on my goals.)
What I found most interesting about the book was Rubin's categorization of people into four groups - Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels - based on how they respond to inner and outer expectations. I would really like to be an Upholder (one who meets both inner and outer expectations; Sarah from theshubox strikes me as a perfect example), but after reading the descriptions and doing the quiz at the end, I had to resign myself to the fact that I'm an Obliger (one who meets outer expectations but not inner). In the book, Rubin writes of Obligers that "Because Obligers resist inner expectations, it's difficult for them to self-motivate - to work on a Ph.D. thesis, to attend networking events, to get their car serviced. Obligers depend on external accountability, with consequences such as deadlines, late fees, or the fear of letting other people down."
Difficult to self-motivate. Yup. That's me. I could complete my 21 days of regular blogging just by giving examples of how I've had difficulty self-motivating throughout my life*. My Master's degree is the perfect example - it took me forever to get experiments done and papers written, to the point where I nearly drove my supervisor crazy. I actually told her once that if she wanted me to do something she just needed to give me a deadline. And it worked! When I had something external to motivate me, I got my work done without difficulty - even if the "deadline" was entirely arbitrary.
Which brings me to a dilemma. As an attending, I will decide everything that I do. I will decide how many patients to see and when to do dictations and whether or not to do research (etc, etc). There will be no external expectations, aside from some very minimal requirements for teaching and clinical duties, which will not be difficult to meet. How, as an Obliger, do I not allow my life to devolve into chaos in the absence of external expectations?
I still don't know the answer to this one. Maybe I need to re-read the book.
*And then no one would ever read my blog again.
This book explores the ways in which we adopt (or fail to adopt) new habits, with a focus on internal and external barriers to making positive changes. Included in it is a whole chapter on "loopholes", which basically describes what goes on in my mind whenever I try to change myself. (I'm an expert at coming up with reasons not to follow through on my goals.)
What I found most interesting about the book was Rubin's categorization of people into four groups - Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels - based on how they respond to inner and outer expectations. I would really like to be an Upholder (one who meets both inner and outer expectations; Sarah from theshubox strikes me as a perfect example), but after reading the descriptions and doing the quiz at the end, I had to resign myself to the fact that I'm an Obliger (one who meets outer expectations but not inner). In the book, Rubin writes of Obligers that "Because Obligers resist inner expectations, it's difficult for them to self-motivate - to work on a Ph.D. thesis, to attend networking events, to get their car serviced. Obligers depend on external accountability, with consequences such as deadlines, late fees, or the fear of letting other people down."
Difficult to self-motivate. Yup. That's me. I could complete my 21 days of regular blogging just by giving examples of how I've had difficulty self-motivating throughout my life*. My Master's degree is the perfect example - it took me forever to get experiments done and papers written, to the point where I nearly drove my supervisor crazy. I actually told her once that if she wanted me to do something she just needed to give me a deadline. And it worked! When I had something external to motivate me, I got my work done without difficulty - even if the "deadline" was entirely arbitrary.
Which brings me to a dilemma. As an attending, I will decide everything that I do. I will decide how many patients to see and when to do dictations and whether or not to do research (etc, etc). There will be no external expectations, aside from some very minimal requirements for teaching and clinical duties, which will not be difficult to meet. How, as an Obliger, do I not allow my life to devolve into chaos in the absence of external expectations?
I still don't know the answer to this one. Maybe I need to re-read the book.
*And then no one would ever read my blog again.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Procrastination and Accomplishment
There are things I'd like to write legitimate posts about, but early in the day, when I have time to blog, I manage to convince myself that I can put it off. "I have all day! I can blog in the evening...the fact that the girlfriend will be home from work won't make blogging difficult at all." Hence scrambling at 11:17 to get a post written before the midnight deadline.
Every day, I knock one more thing off of the to-do list that has been growing over the past five years. Today it was "clean the BBQ", which hasn't been done in at least two years; I anticipate that there will be many hot dogs and steaks and grilled chicken breasts consumed during the last few weeks of summer to make up for the long period of time that the BBQ was too dirty to be useable.
Approaching the end of my to-do list is making me feel like Superwoman.
And it's making everything in life better. But how on Earth do I maintain this (or even something remotely close to it) when I go back to work in two weeks?
Every day, I knock one more thing off of the to-do list that has been growing over the past five years. Today it was "clean the BBQ", which hasn't been done in at least two years; I anticipate that there will be many hot dogs and steaks and grilled chicken breasts consumed during the last few weeks of summer to make up for the long period of time that the BBQ was too dirty to be useable.
Approaching the end of my to-do list is making me feel like Superwoman.
And it's making everything in life better. But how on Earth do I maintain this (or even something remotely close to it) when I go back to work in two weeks?
Sunday, August 2, 2015
My Favourite Sound
With the weekend drawing to a close, the girlfriend and I are relaxing by spending some quiet time together on the couch. I'm sitting with my laptop on...well...my lap, and she is reading the book The Language of Baklava. In the background, last night's wedding song, You Are The Best Thing, is playing on YouTube.
As I struggle to find something from my utterly ordinary day to write about, every few minutes my girlfriend breaks out in laughter at something she has read. I love when she reads funny books, because her spontaneous laughter is one of the best sounds in the world. Pure happiness.
I am lucky.
As I struggle to find something from my utterly ordinary day to write about, every few minutes my girlfriend breaks out in laughter at something she has read. I love when she reads funny books, because her spontaneous laughter is one of the best sounds in the world. Pure happiness.
I am lucky.
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