Monday, July 2, 2018

She Will Be Okay

The first four weeks of my most recent relationship passed in a strange and magical sort of delirium.  Perhaps I have always felt this way at the beginning of a relationship and had simply forgotten, but it seemed more intense and all-consuming than any relationship I'd ever been in.  When we weren't together, we texted constantly, and when not texting, I still thought about her all the time.  It was utterly distracting in the most wonderful of ways.

And then, something shifted.

I can't pinpoint the moment or the reason, but suddenly my interest waned.  I waited longer to respond to texts, and I wanted to see her less often.  It became easier to say goodnight at the end of a date.  Without any real warning, I was done.

So Saturday evening, I broke up with her.

It was a horribly difficult thing for me to do, because I hate hurting people.  In the past, I have stayed in relationships way too long (weeks to months to years too long) out of a desire to not hurt the other person.  While we had only been together seven weeks, we had made plans months into the future, and I felt like an ass for being the one to say that those things weren't going to happen.

I spent most of Saturday agonizing over breaking up with her, even though I had no real doubt that it was the right thing to do.  I contemplated waiting, "giving it a bit more time", because I was dreading the moment of the breakup.  I texted all my close friends, trying their patience with hours of rapid cycling between "I'm going to break up with her tonight" and "I'm going to wait a little longer".  I was unbearable.

And then I saw a Facebook post from an ex of mine from years ago.  She had fallen apart when I broke up with her, crying and sending me angry texts for weeks.  The Facebook post was a picture of her, 20 weeks pregnant, with her wife.  It is completely cliché to say this, but the only way to describe her expression is "glowing".

And then it was easy.  Because while breakups are messy and hurtful and absolutely zero fun, people do survive them.  And hopefully there are better things waiting for all of us on the other side.

9 comments:

  1. *hugs* I agree, we generally survive break-ups and longer term, hurting people briefly now, as kindly as you can, is hands down better than waiting until you're absolutely sure (when you're already pretty sure) and keeping them on hold. It frees both of you to find the path and partner you're meant for.

    Once I realized that, I was grateful to have been broken up with in the past by people who really weren't great partner material for me.

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    1. I wish I could go back 10 years and tell myself this. I could have saved a lot of time!

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  2. Definitely. People will survive and thrive (hopefully) when they are no longer with people who aren't into them any longer.

    I hope you find that glow.

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    1. Looking hard for it! Hope it's out there somewhere.

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  3. I keep reading this because it's such a great realization.

    I am SO reluctant to try to date. I'm not very good about admitting it's not working and ending it AND hate feeling like I'm being rejected if someone doesn't want to be with me. Terrible combo, especially when I am doing really fine on my own. Buuuuuttttt....rumor has it that being with the right person is amazing. So I'm going to reflect on this more and push myself to get out there/back online.

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    1. Good luck! It can be hard to psych yourself up to date, but it can be a really wonderful thing when you find someone good. Ending it gets easier with time; my last relationship took me four years, and this time only took me seven weeks!

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  4. In my experience, breakups are harder for the dumper than the dumpee. Hang in there sd, you’ll move on from this one too.

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    1. There is some definite truth to that. I have kept in touch with the ex, and she is definitely doing just fine. It's been less than a week, and she already has two dates lined up!

      Time for me to get back into it...

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  5. I'm a little late to this post, but I wanted to say - as cliche as it is- when you find the one you will know. My heart knew my wife was the one a couple of weeks before my head did. I fell for her hard, but I was still thinking I wanted to play the field and see what's out there. For the record, I never did play the field, but it took a little bit to realize I had what I needed and wanted. 14 years, 2 months and 1 day later - she is still all I ever need. <3

    It's at least good that you can figure out if something isn't working faster than before. Wishing you the best in finding that special someone!

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