Sunday, March 15, 2020

Stay Home

I know that I am mortal.

Anyone who goes through medical training, if they pay any attention whatsoever, is forced to confront this fact.  For me, there is one particular moment from my residency training that brought this home to me.  A woman very close to my age had come into the hospital feeling unwell, and a series of CT scans had shown that she was dying.  The scan report described numbers and dimensions of multiple tumours, and at the end the Radiologist had left a horrifying impression statement:  "Riddled with cancer".  I was the one left to deliver the news to her, and as I read the scan report and thought about what I was going to say, her two children ran past the computer I was working on, laughing as they turned the hospital ward into an impromptu field for tag.

I know that I am mortal, and yet, I don't really KNOW that I am mortal.

A week ago, I was watching the New York Times Coronavirus map, as the outbreak spread closer and closer to the United Kingdom, worried that my conference in April would be cancelled.

Then I accepted that my conference would be cancelled, and worried that if I went to the UK for vacation, I would be quarantined on my return.

Then I worried about going to the States.

Then about going to the Rockies.

It was only about Thursday, as I watched the numbers go up and previously yellow countries turn to red on the map, that the seriousness of this started to hit me.

My first real worry was that I would be called on to provide inpatient care.  I've worked almost entirely outpatient care for the past seven years, and I've never worked inpatient care except under direct supervision, so the idea of managing a heart attack or having to put a breathing tube into someone in respiratory failure fills me with terror.  I will do my best to step up and do whatever I am called upon to do, but I certainly do not want to.

And then, in the last 24 hours, as I've had a quiet day of social distancing at home with the cats, I've had time to reflect on what this really means.  I'm just as vulnerable to this infection as anyone else.  Probably even more, given that I will still be going into the hospital and seeing patients, albeit in a very limited capacity for the foreseeable future.  And my friends.

Fuck.

One of my good friends is a paramedic.

The mother of my godson is an ER doc.

Another good friend is an anaesthesiologist.

Another friend a surgeon.

Many others family physicians.

Many, many others internist who have taught me and with whom I trained.

And fucking idiots are going to the bars for St. Patrick's Day.  Getting their nails done.  Taking advantage of discounted fares to go on holidays.  I understand the denial, because I was there a week ago.  But I am filled with fear at the thought that the people I love, my community, are vulnerable because other people don't want to have their freedom restricted in any way.

I keep saying the same thing over and over again:  Please, for the love of everything, stay home.

10 comments:

  1. Flattening the curve is the best we can do to not overtax the medical systems. I would be bad if triage has to make life and death decisions. Yes, stay at home, self-quarantine, do whatever you can to minimize the risk to others. Living in a rural area sometimes makes one complacent, but this is not a good time for that. School is closing as is the Y which will help to keep things contained if the virus finds us.
    Use your meditation to help alleviate the fear.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We have so many friends and relatives who are on the front lines of this thing. I am worried for them and more than happy to stay my ass home to do my part in preventing any unnecessary spread because that is literally the easiest and least we can do to fight this thing. It may not be fun for all, and I have a young child to mind while working at the same time, but it's certainly easier than being exposed to the virus daily without adequate protection. Stay safe.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah. I'm fucking terrified. A month ago I was wondering if we'd get any positive cases, and today I'm dreading any updates from the hospital about our favorite trauma surgeon who is currently intubated and proned.

    I've prepared as much as possible at home, with food and water and generators and other survival stuff, but I am not emotionally prepared at all to lose people I care about. And tomorrow starts a 5 out of 6 day stretch at the ER.

    I hope you stay safe. I hope you stay well. Know that I see you, and appreciate all that you do.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've had the same worry. Even though I'm no longer a practicing medic, a large part of my community are health care professionals. It sucks that whilst they're risking their lives, others are out and about taking theirs for granted.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I totally agree with your post. How are you faring these days? I hope you're ok.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Have been thinking about you and your blog, and hoping you are healthy and managing ok these days. Your writing is missed! But also totally understand you may have more pressing things on your plate these days.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Just checking in on you. You doing okay?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so Happy to be writing this article in here, i am here to explore blogs forum about the wonderful and most safe cure for HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS.I was positive to the Virus called HERPES and i lost hope completely because i was rejected even by my closet friends. i searched online to know and inquire about cure for HERPES and i saw testimony about DR Ebhota online on how he cured so many persons from Herpes Disease so i decided to contact the great herbalist because i know that nature has the power to heal everything. i contacted him to know how he can help me and he told me never to worry that he will help me with the natural herbs from God! after 2 days of contacting him, he told me that the cure has been ready and he sent it to me via FEDEX or DHL and it got to me after 4 days! i used the medicine as he instructed me (MORNING and EVENING) and i was cured! its really like a dream but i'm so happy! that's the reason i decided to also add more comment of Him so that more people can be saved just like me! and if you need his help,contact his Email: (drebhotasoltion@gmail.com) You can contact him on WhatsApp +2348089535482 He also have the herb to cure difference cure for any sickness (1) HERPES,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) HEPATITIS B,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA..

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am here to give my testimony about Dr Ebhota who helped me.. i want to inform the public how i was cured from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) by salami, i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HERPES and i saw comment of people talking about how Dr Ehbota cured them. when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that i took for just 2 weeks and it seriously worked for me, my HERPES result came out negative. I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that there is no cure for herpes that is Not true just contact him and get cure from Dr Ebhota healing herbal cure of all kinds of sickness you may have like (1) CANCER,(2) DIABETES,(3) HIV&AIDS,(4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,(5) CANCER,(6) IMPOTENCE,(7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY(8) DIARRHEA(9) ASTHMA(10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL(11)COLD SOREHERPES. he also cure my friend from cervical cancer Email: drebhotasoultion@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2348089535482

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all HERPES patient in the world i never believed that their could be any complete cure for HERPES or any cure for HERPES,i saw people’s testimony on sites of how DR Afrid prepares herbal cure and brought them back to life again. i had to try it too and you can not believe that in just a few weeks i started using it all my pains stopped gradually and i had to leave without the HERPES DRUGS the doctor gave to me. Right now i can tell you that for a few months now i have not had any pain, delay in treatment leads to death. Here is his email:drafridherbalhome@gmail.com or contact on whatsapp at +1(412) 405-1961

    ReplyDelete