Gifts

My birthday was yesterday, which means that I have recently gone through another round of my annual ritual of telling the people who love me "No, seriously, I don't want you to buy me anything".  As soon as I became an adult, with a job and the ability to buy myself the things I want, I stopped enjoying getting gifts.  The reasons for this are many.  I hate getting things that I don't like and having to pretend that I do.  I hate having more things to store in my apartment, which was already full when my girlfriend (who is a hoarder less of a minimalist than I am) moved in.  I hate knowing that the people I love have spent time, which they usually don't have enough of, in a shopping mall instead of with me.  And I particularly hate that gift giving perpetuates our debt-fueled, environmentally destructive consumer culture.

"Surprise! I love you! Here’s a part of the planet I wrecked for you, Hooray!!"*

A few weeks ago, when my Mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I tried again to tell her that I didn't want any gifts.  Unfortunately, any time I suggest that she not buy me a present, she looks at me as if I have suggested we go out and murder babies.  The gift-giving mentality is very strong with her.  So I tried to suggest a) alternatives to gifts and b) practical gifts that I would actually use.  I suggested that she give me a certain amount of her time, which she could use hanging pictures and putting up blinds and doing other things in my apartment that are outside of my skill set.  I suggested that she make me a nice dinner at her place and we spend a few hours catching up on each others' lives.  I suggested that she get my medical degree framed, so that I can take it out of the cupboard where it's been collecting dust for the past five years and display it in my fancy-pants new office.  None of these things was acceptable to her. 

So what did I get?  A cheque.  My widowed mother, who is on a fixed income, gave money to me, who will soon be earning ridiculous sums of money as a physician**.  How does this make sense?  How is this better than her hanging the pictures from my trip to Cuba that have been taking up space behind my couch since I moved in five years ago?

Gift giving is insane. 

I encountered another example of this insanity when I was talking to my Mom about my cousin's upcoming wedding.  I am spending money that I don't have to fly halfway across the country for the wedding, so I feel like I am justified in being a bit cheap frugal with the gift.  I suggested to my Mom that I was going to get a $50 gift card to the store where my cousin is registered, and she once again looked at me like I was heading out to murder babies.  She thought I should be spending closer to $200 on the gift!  What?  Why should I, who am trying to dig myself out from a giant pit of student debt, be spending ridiculous sums of money on a gift for my cousin (who has a job) and her soon-to-be husband (who also has a job)?  Why is this the expectation?

Rant over.  Thankfully it's another seven months until I have to deal with Christmas.

 *I've been obsessively reading Mr. Money Mustache for the past month or so, and it is transforming my approach to spending and debt.  The article that I linked to is one of my personal favourites and describes my feelings about gift giving much more eloquently than I can.

**Admittedly, I will be using these ridiculous sums of money to pay off my equally ridiculous debt...but that's not the point.