Monday night was a terrible, terrible night during which I tossed and turned in bed, thinking about the 2-hour presentation that I had to give later in the day and the curriculum that still hasn't been redeveloped and all of my sick patients who keep getting sicker. By the time the alarm went off at 6:45, I was a bit of a wreck. The evil voice in the back of my head kept telling me to skip the gym and go back to sleep, and it even managed to convince me to hit snooze and roll over.
But as I lay there trying to enjoy my nine minutes of reprieve, I realized that a little bit of extra sleep (if I could even get it) wasn't the right answer. It wouldn't be enough to make a difference in my energy level, and it would mean one more failure in my attempt to get back to exercising. So I got myself up, put on my workout clothes, and dragged my tired body through 30 minutes on the treadmill.
Afterwards, not surprisingly, I felt better. More awake, more energetic. Vastly less anxious. The feeling carried me through the day, up until the point where I started my presentation and all of my self consciousness and stage fright came back in one horrible moment of panic. But that eventually passed (after two hours of being stared at by everyone in the room who was still awake), and I felt okay for the remainder of the day. And then, last night, I actually slept through the entire night. Which, to someone with chronic insomnia, feels like a Christmas miracle.
Today, having slept, everything feels easier to handle. I have a schedule for getting the curriculum done by next week. I have plans for all of my sick patients. Life is better. Exercise is good.
I just need to remember this when I don't want to go for a run tomorrow morning...